MARRIAGE PRINCIPLES

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE TEACH ABOUT MARRIAGE?

BIBLE READING: Genesis 2:1-25 KEY BIBLE VERSE: This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. (Genesis 2:24)

MARRIAGE IS A COMMITTED PARTNERSHIP BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN.

God’s creative work was not complete until he made woman. He could have made her from the dust of the ground, as he made man. God chose, however, to make her from the man’s flesh and bone. In so doing, he illustrated for us that in marriage, a man and a woman symbolically become one flesh. This is a mystical union of the couple’s hearts and lives. Throughout the Bible, God treats this special partnership seriously. If you are married or planning to be married, are you willing to keep the commitment that makes the two of you one? The goal in marriage should be more than friendship; it should be oneness.

MARRIAGE IS A COOPERATIVE EFFORT BETWEEN EQUAL PARTNERS.

God forms and equips men and women for various tasks, but all these tasks lead to the same goal-honoring God. Man gives life to woman; woman gives life to the world. Each role carries exclusive privileges; there is no room for thinking that one sex is superior to the other.

MARRIAGE IS A GIFT FROM GOD.

God gave marriage as a gift to Adam and Eve. They were created perfect for each other. Marriage was not just for convenience, nor was it brought about by any culture.

MARRIAGE WAS DESIGNED BY GOD.

The marriage relationship that God designed has three basic aspects: (1) the man leaves his parents and, in a public act, promises himself to his wife; (2) the man and woman are joined together by taking responsibility for each other’s welfare and by loving the mate above all others; (3) the two become one flesh in the intimacy and commitment of sexual union that is reserved for marriage. Strong marriages include all three of these aspects.

MARRIAGE IS INTENDED TO BE A RELATIONSHIP OF GROWING OPENNESS.

Have you ever noticed how little children can run naked through a room full of strangers without embarrassment? They are not aware of their nakedness, just as Adam and Eve were not embarrassed in their innocence. But after Adam and Eve sinned, shame and awkwardness followed, creating barriers between themselves and God. We often experience these same barriers in marriage. Ideally a husband and wife have no barriers, feeling no embarrassment in exposing themselves to each other or to God. But, like Adam and Eve (3:7), we put on fig leaves (barriers) because we have areas we don’t want our spouse, or God, to know about. Then we hide, just as Adam and Eve hid from God. In marriage, lack of spiritual, emotional, and intellectual intimacy usually precedes a breakdown of physical intimacy. In the same way, when we fail to expose our secret thoughts to God, we break our lines of communication with him. BIBLE READING: Ephesians 5:21-33 KEY BIBLE VERSE: This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:32-33)

MARRIAGE REQUIRES SUBMISSION BY BOTH PARTNERS.

Submitting to another person is a concept that is often misunderstood. It does not mean becoming a doormat. Christ-at whose name “every knee will bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth” (Philippians 2:10)-submitted his will to the Father, and we honor Christ by following his example. When we submit to God, we become more willing to obey his command to submit to others, that is, to subordinate our rights to theirs. In a marriage relationship, both husband and wife are called to submit. For the wife, this means willingly following her husband’s leadership in Christ. For the husband, it means putting aside his own interests in order to care for his wife. Submission is rarely a problem in homes where both partners have a strong relationship with Christ and where each is concerned for the happiness of the other. # MARRIAGE IS A CHALLENGE TO EACH PARTNER.

Why did Paul tell wives to submit and husbands to love? Perhaps Christian women, newly freed in Christ, found submission difficult; perhaps Christian men, used to the Roman custom of giving unlimited power to the head of the family, were not used to treating their wives with respect and love. Of course both husbands and wives should submit to each other (5:21), just as both should love each other.

MARRIAGE IS A RELATIONSHIP IN WHICH BOTH PARTNERS ARE SERVANTS.

In Paul’s day, women, children, and slaves were to submit to the head of the family-slaves would submit until they were freed, male children until they grew up, and women and girls their whole lives. Paul emphasized the equality of all believers in Christ (Galatians 3:28), but he did not suggest overthrowing Roman society to achieve it. Instead, he counseled all believers to submit to one another by choice-wives to husbands and also husbands to wives; slaves to masters and also masters to slaves; children to parents and also parents to children. This kind of mutual submission preserves order and harmony in the family while it increases love and respect among family members.

MARRIAGE IS A DIVERSITY OF ROLES WITHIN A PARTNERSHIP OF EQUALS.

Although some people have distorted Paul’s teaching on submission by giving unlimited authority to husbands, we cannot get around it-Paul told wives to submit to their husbands. The fact that a teaching is not popular is no reason to discard it. According to the Bible, the man is the spiritual head of the family, and his wife should acknowledge his leadership. But real spiritual leadership involves service. Just as Christ served the disciples, even to the point of washing their feet, so the husband is to serve his wife. A wise and Christ-honoring husband will not take advantage of his leadership role, and a wise and Christ-honoring wife will not try to undermine her husband’s leadership. Either approach causes disunity and friction in marriage.

MARRIAGE IS HELPING EACH PARTNER GROW.

The union of husband and wife merges two persons in such a way that little can affect one without also affecting the other. Oneness in marriage does not mean losing your personality in the personality of the other. Instead, it means caring for your spouse as you care for yourself, learning to anticipate his or her needs, and helping the other person become all he or she can be. The creation story tells of God’s plan that husband and wife should be one (Genesis 2:24), and Jesus also referred to this plan (Matthew 19:4-6).

MARRIAGE PROBLEMS WHAT SOLUTIONS DOES THE BIBLE OFFER FOR COMMON MARRIAGE PROBLEMS? BIBLE

READING: Ezra 9:1-15 KEY BIBLE VERSE: The men of Israel have married women from these people and have taken them as wives for their sons. So the holy race has become polluted by these mixed marriages. To make matters worse, the officials and leaders are some of the worst offenders. (Ezra 9:2)

MARRIAGE MUST BE A SPIRITUAL AS WELL AS EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL UNION.

Some Israelites had married pagan spouses and lost track of God’s purpose for them. The New Testament says that believers should not marry unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). Such marriages cannot have unity in the most important issue in life-commitment and obedience to God. Because marriage involves two people becoming one, faith may become an issue, and one spouse may have to compromise beliefs for the sake of unity. Many people discount this problem only to regret it later. Don’t allow emotion or passion to blind you to the ultimate importance of marrying someone with whom you can be united spiritually. BIBLE READING: Matthew 5:31-32 KEY BIBLE VERSE: You have heard that the law of Moses says, “A man can divorce his wife by merely giving her a letter of divorce.” But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. (Matthew 5:31-32)

LOOK FOR WAYS TO RESTORE A MARRIAGE RATHER THAN LEAVE IT.

Jesus said that divorce is not permissible except for unfaithfulness. This does not mean that divorce should automatically occur when a spouse commits adultery. The word translated “unfaithful” implies a sexually immoral lifestyle, not a confessed and repented act of adultery. Those who discover that their partner has been unfaithful should first make every effort to forgive, reconcile, and restore their relationship. We are always to look for reasons to restore the marriage relationship rather than for excuses to leave it. BIBLE READING: 1 Corinthians 7:1-40 KEY BIBLE VERSE: Now about the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to live a celibate life. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. (1 Corinthians 7:1-2)

SEX WITHIN MARRIAGE PROVIDES STRENGTH AGAINST TEMPTATION.

Sexual temptations are difficult to withstand because they appeal to the normal and natural desires that God has given us. Marriage provides God’s way to satisfy these natural sexual desires and to strengthen the partners against temptation. Married couples have the responsibility to care for each other; therefore, husbands and wives should not withhold themselves sexually from one another but should fulfill each other’s needs and desires. Spiritually, our bodies belong to God when we become Christians because Jesus Christ bought us by paying the price to release us from sin (see 6:19-20). Physically, our bodies belong to our spouses because God designed marriage so that, through the union of husband and wife, the two become one (Genesis 2:24). Paul stressed complete equality in sexual relationships. Neither male nor female should seek dominance or autonomy.

A CHRISTIAN SHOULD BE A POSITIVE INFLUENCE ON AN UNBELIEVING SPOUSE.

Because of their desire to serve Christ, some people in the Corinthian church thought they ought to divorce their pagan spouses and marry Christians. But Paul affirmed the marriage commitment. God’s ideal is for marriages to stay together-even when one spouse is not a believer. The Christian spouse should try to win the other to Christ. It would be easy to rationalize leaving; however, Paul makes a strong case for staying with the unbelieving spouse and being a positive influence on the marriage. Paul, like Jesus, believed that marriage is permanent (see Mark 10:1-9).

MARRIAGE, GOD’S WORD ON “I now pronounce you man and wife,” the minister says. The bride and groom look lovingly into each other’s eyes. Family, friends, even casual acquaintances feel like cheering. Two people have found each other, pledged to each other a lifetime of commitment, vowed to be devoted and loving, and promised never to leave or forsake each other. Vows of faithfulness are the bedrock of marriage. Through those vows two people, in a miraculous way, become one. Then begins a lifetime of working together, worshiping together, playing together, loving together, raising children together, building a home together, solving problems together. God’s loving relationship with his people is so similar to the marriage relationship that he uses human marriage to illustrate his covenant with his people in the Old Testament and Christ’s love for the church in the New Testament.

WHERE DID THE IDEA OF MARRIAGE BEGIN?

Genesis 2:18-25 . . . The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him.” Mark 10:6-9 . . . This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Marriage was God’s idea from the very beginning. It is as old as Eden yet as fresh as the last wedding. Marriage is ordained by God, a sacred relationship, one not to be entered into lightly.

WHY DID GOD ESTABLISH MARRIAGE?

Genesis 2:18-25 . . . The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him.” God established marriage for companionship. Genesis 1:28 . . . God blessed them and told them, “Multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.” Malachi 2:15 . . . Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. God established marriage as the best environment for raising children. Marriage was designed to help children learn about love by being born into a loving relationship. How tragic when parents fail to model Christ’s love before their children. Ephesians 5:31-32 . . . As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. God established marriage as a symbol of Christ and the church. A marriage under God should teach the couple much about how God relates to his church.

WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP SHOULD A MARRIAGE BE?

Genesis 2:18 . . . The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 . . . Two people can accomplish more than twice as much as one. . . .If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. 1 Corinthians 11:3 . . . There is one thing I want you to know: A man is responsible to Christ, a woman is responsible to her husband, and Christ is responsible to God. Matthew 19:4-6 . . . “Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’ And he said, ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one separate them, for God has joined them together.” Marriage at its best is a relationship so close and intimate that the two of you work together as one. It involves mutual trust, mutual support, mutual defense, mutual comfort, mutual vulnerability, mutual responsibility.

WHAT ARE THE KEYS TO A HAPPY, STRONG MARRIAGE?

Joshua 24:15 . . . Choose today whom you will serve . . . But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord. A united purpose to serve the Lord is a key to a good marriage. Proverbs 5:15 . . . Drink water from your own well-share your love only with your wife. Proverbs 5:18-19 . . . Rejoice in the wife of your youth . . . Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. Hebrews 13:4 . . . Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. Faithfulness is a key to a good marriage. Without faithfulness there is no real trust or intimacy. Matthew 19:4-6 . . . Since they are no longer two but one, let no one separate them, for God has joined them together. Commitment is a key to a good marriage. Romans 15:1-2 . . . We should please others. If we do what helps them, we will build them up in the Lord. Sacrifice is a key to a good marriage. Romans 15:5-7 . . . May God . . . help you live in complete harmony with each other-each with the attitude of Christ Jesus toward the other. Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God. Understanding each other’s differences and celebrating them are keys to a good marriage. Ephesians 5:21-33 . . . Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Mutual submission is a key to a good marriage. 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 . . . Love will last forever. Love is a key to a good marriage. James 5:16 . . . Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other. Communication is a key to a good marriage. Proverbs 31:31 . . . Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise. A constant desire to build each other up enhance each other’s value is a key to a good marriage. 1 Corinthians 7:3 . . . The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy . . . nor should the wife deprive her husband. Song of Songs 1:2-4, 12-13 . . . Kiss me again and again, for your love is sweeter than wine . . . Bring me into your bedroom, O my king . . . My lover is like a sachet of myrrh lying between my breasts. A healthy sex life is a key to a good marriage.

HOW SHOULD A HUSBAND TREAT HIS WIFE?

Proverbs 18:22 . . . The man who finds a wife finds a treasure and receives favor from the Lord. Ecclesiastes 9:9 . . . Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you in this world. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil. 1 Peter 3:7 . . . In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat her with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. If you don’t treat her as you should, your prayers will not be heard. Ephesians 5:21 . . . You will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Husbands should love their wives sacrificially, with the depth of love that Christ showed when he died for us.

HOW SHOULD A WIFE TREAT HER HUSBAND?

Proverbs 31:11-12 . . . Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all her life. Ephesians 5:22-24 . . . You wives will submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything. A wife should love her husband sacrificially, helping and supporting him, believing in him and submitting to him as he submits in Christlike love to her (Ephesians 5:21).

WHAT IS THE IMPORTANCE OF LOYALTY IN A MARRIAGE?

Malachi 2:15-16 . . . Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard yourself; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. God commands a husband to be loyal to his wife. He does not merely suggest this. Proverbs 5:15, 18-19 . . . Drink water from your own well-share your love only with your wife. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving doe, a graceful deer. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. 1 Corinthians 7:2-4 . . . The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman, nor should the wife deprive her husband. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband also gives authority over his body to his wife. Hebrews 13:4 . . . Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. Husbands and wives must be faithful to each other, seeking to satisfy and honor each other.

A GOOD WIFE OR HUSBAND BRINGS MANY GREAT BLESSINGS TO THE OTHER.

Proverbs 31:10-31 . . . Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth more than precious rubies. Proverbs 31:11 . . . Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. Proverbs 31:12 . . . She will not hinder him but help him all her life. Ecclesiastes 9:9 . . . Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life . . . The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil. The next time something irritates you about your spouse, keep in mind the blessings your mate brings to you as well-precious times, trust, satisfaction, fulfilled needs, helpfulness, happiness.

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT SELECTING A MARRIAGE PARTNER? WHY SHOULD WE BE CAREFUL WHOM WE MARRY?

Judges 14:3 . . . His father and mother objected strenuously, “Isn’t there one woman in our tribe or among all the Israelites you could marry? Why must you go to the pagan Philistines to find a wife?” But Samson told his father, “Get her for me. She is the one I want.” 1 Kings 11:2 . . . The Lord had clearly instructed his people not to intermarry with those nations, because the women they married would lead them to worship their gods. Yet Solomon insisted on loving them anyway. Ezra 9:2 . . . The men of Israel have married women from these people and have taken them as wives for their sons. So the holy race has become polluted by these mixed marriages. 2 Corinthians 6:14 . . . Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can goodness be a partner with wickedness? The person we marry can build us up or destroy us. The Bible encourages us not to marry someone who is an unbeliever, because it is too easy for that person to tempt us away from our faith. And if we are marrying another believer, we still must be sure we are marrying for the right reasons.

BUT WHAT IF A CHRISTIAN HAS ALREADY MARRIED AN UNBELIEVER? SHOULD THEY STAY TOGETHER?

1 Corinthians 7:12-16 . . . If a Christian woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. Don’t leave your mate just because he or she doesn’t know Christ. If possible, win that person to Christ and then both you and your children will greatly benefit.

HOW DOES GOD COMPARE MARRIAGE WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM?

Isaiah 54:5-6 . . . Your Creator will be your husband . . . For the Lord has called you back from your grief-as though you were a young wife abandoned by her husband. Jeremiah 3:20 . . . “You have betrayed me . . . You have been like a faithless wife who leaves her husband,” says the Lord. 2 Corinthians 11:2 . . . [Paul writes,] “I am jealous for you with the jealousy of God himself. For I promised you as a pure bride to one husband, Christ.” Our relationship with God, like marriage, is based on mutual love, faithfulness, and permanent commitment.

IS MARRIAGE GOD’S WILL FOR EVERYONE?

Matthew 19:10-12 . . . Jesus’ disciples then said to him, “Then it is better not to marry!” “Not everyone can accept this statement,” Jesus said. “Only those whom God helps. Some are born as eunuchs, some have been made that way by others, and some choose not to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let anyone who can, accept this statement.” 1 Corinthians 7:1-2, 7-9 . . . Now about the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to live a celibate life. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. I wish everyone could get along without marrying, just as I do.

But we are not all the same. God gives some the gift of marriage, and to others he gives the gift of singleness. Now I say to those who aren’t married and to widows-it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust. God created marriage and called it good (see Genesis 2:18-25). Marriage is also the only way through which God intended children to be born and raised. But the Bible also makes it clear that marriage is not for everyone. Sometimes, because of certain cultural or spiritual reasons, marriage is best avoided. PROMISES FROM GOD: Ephesians 5:31 . . . As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”

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